Anatomy of a chamchaguru

Chamchas in India come in all shapes, sizes, colours and personalities. Most have turned sycophancy into an art, reaching the exalted status of a Chamchaguru. Cyrus Oshidar lists of some of these inglorious people found in various industries.

THE KNEEL GUY

No one can bend it like this one. You will usually find him at the feet of his master, hands clasped together, wearing a permanent expression of reverence. His motor neuron response is so fast that he can synchronize a perfect fall to the knees on spotting his lord and master.

THE OILFACTORY

This one is the all-rounder.He kneels, squats, kisses, shouts out praise, garlands his master, etc. Also known as a political gunda but oily enough to be on the chamchaguru list.

THE HEAD BOY

The head boy or bobblehead as he is called in the West is slowly spreading his greasy tentacles into the corporate world. Known for his loud "haan sir" (please see our film, the Chamcha Games to admire the man in action) this headbobbing wonder is a mind boggling specimen of oiliness. He is found in all industries and has a distinct `headvantage' over the others.

Mr MAALA MAAL

This one is the inventor of the 15kg supergarland, the master of the mala moves. His mala will surpass any obstacle to find the neck of his guru, not just once but many times.The end-fusion of man and mala may look like a mountain of flowers with a head on top but is usually a politician. In recent years mala worship has decreased as it has caused policy paralysis due to immobility of aforementioned politician.

Mr BIG BOTOX

Named after the frozen look that a bad botox jab can inflict on a smile, Mr Big Botox is a legend in the world of the oily facial expression -his smile permanently frozen in a look of amazed piety, his teeth showing and head bobbing from side to side like the last throes of a broken bobble toy .

SHRI AAS PASS

The constant companion, the bodyguard, the loudest voice in the pack, the most trusted slave. Always at his master's side or backside, depending on which stage of enlightenment he is in.

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